Vulnerability is the link between trust and loyalty

On Friday, September 29th, Gen. Mark Milley used his final speech as the Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff, our nation’s highest military position, to emphasize that military service members take an oath of loyalty to the Constitution and not to an individual. This is a bedrock value of military service in this country. His point was tremendously valid and one that our citizenry needs to be reminded of periodically, given the fact that less than one percent of our population serves in the military. Most Americans are, well, fairly clueless about not only the commitment and sacrifice our service members make but about civics in general, not to mention the particular nuances of our Constitution and the relationship between the military and the National Command Authority (the President and the Secretary of Defense).

A powerful lesson in loyalty.

I had this lesson reinforced to me years ago when I was a Colonel and serving as the Executive Assistant to the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. My boss at the time had no reason to suspect I didn’t understand where our loyalties lie as professional military officers, but a recent encounter he’d had with the then Secretary of Defense motivated him to sit me down and drive the point home. It was a powerful moment, not because his lesson was news to me; no, it was because he cared enough about me and my career to make sure I unambiguously understood the notion of loyalty, especially as senior officers, as it pertains to our civilian bosses. It’s a moment as vivid to me as if it happened yesterday, and I’m grateful to that man for it (I write at length about this moment in my book).

True loyalty is rarely a one-way street.

To be loyal and inspire loyalty, both parties must be vulnerable, trusting, supportive, and devoted.

Everyone has heard the term “blind loyalty.” This is when someone follows or supports a person or ideal in every circumstance, regardless of competing loyalties, or knowing that the recipient of their loyalty is a fraud, a liar, or doesn’t.

have their best interests in mind. Authoritarians and dictators often elicit loyalty through fear. People we respect and like can also make us blind because we want to be liked by them. Or we can turn myopic when we want to protect someone we care about. No matter the reason, the result rarely benefits anyone.

Loyalty is earned.

Simply having a title and a position of authority does not guarantee loyalty, especially in our changing, complex world. Before people trust a leader, they must know the leader will not betray, abuse, disrespect, or dismiss them—that their leader has their best interests at heart. To do this, leaders must be both vulnerable and transparent. Many leaders are afraid that, by doing this, they will be perceived as weak and lose their authority. But authority is never enough. Trust must be established, which happens when human beings are vulnerable with each other. Only after that loyalty will follow.

Finally, leaders must support and celebrate members of their team in the same way they expect their teams to support them. This means a leader must be able to step aside and let others shine. It also means not relentlessly seeking credit, promoting themselves at their team members’ expense, or throwing them under the bus when things don’t go as planned. Leaders must show they understand and care about problems and issues team members face. All of this takes vulnerability.

Think about bosses to whom you felt deeply loyal. My guess is that they checked all of these boxes. Think about the things they did that made them different from other leaders who didn’t inspire such loyalty. Then emulate them.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on fear and vulnerability in leadership. Please feel free to send me your thoughts here on my website or email me directly at [email protected].

Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash